Fitness Friday: Monster Dash Half Marathon

It has been 2 weeks since I ran and finished the Monster Half Marathon and it took me a good week to sort through and deal with my feelings about it and decided what exactly I wanted to write about in regards to it.

It's obvious by the top picture that I finished and received a medal and I should be happy with that. I should even be happy with the fact that my time was a minute and a half faster than my half marathon I did in April, and I am now. I am happy about both of those things now, but I had to get over my feelings of anger and disappointment.

I disappointed in myself because I had to tell my running partner and her sister that I had to hang back from them and slow down at mile 8. I couldn't keep their pace and it was better to hang back and let them go than slow them down progressively and have to disappoint them. What I mean by that is that I never want to be someone's "what if I wasn't running with her." I don't want anyone to ever think back thinking they could have run faster if I didn't slow them down. Eventually, I got over disappointing myself that I had to hang back and I couldn't make our goal time of a 2:00 half marathon. Instead I made it in 2:08.

Then the anger set it. I was mad at myself for letting me set these expectations. I was mad at the race people for saying "It's all downhill" on their website. Lies! There are 5 hills and 1 of the hills at mile 11 is nothing to sneeze at. I honestly believe had I not read that I would not have had such high expectations. I was mad at some people I expected to be supportive who were not. I was just mad at myself for all these expectations that I had that I let myself down. I was mad that I was feeling more disappointed about this race when on paper it looks like I should be proud. I need to be on my own team!

I actually cried at mile 12.5 when I realized that my running partner and her sister were probably crossing the finish line at that moment.....without me. Do you know how hard it is to cry and run? You can't breathe correctly when you cry & run. It just doesn't work.

The day after the race I did a little hot tubbing (to soothe our sore muscles and ease our souls) with my running partner and some other friends and it was good for me to listen to their stories. It gave me something to think about when I ran later than week on my own. Nothing different would have happened if I hit 2:00 instead of 2:08. I was going to still cross the finish line and get the same medal. What was different about it was my feelings and expectations and I needed to work through that.

Then just 2 days after I ran a half marathon, I ran my fastest 5K time to date and I ran again a few days after then and got my 5K under 26 minutes, fastest yet for me. Working through some uncomfortable feelings pushed me to run faster, but just don't cry when you runs. It screws everything up.

But now, 2 weeks later I can say that I am proud that I have finished my 2nd half marathon and happy that I did PR but I had to take care of some of those feelings and stuff some others down (I know, not very therapist-like of me, but I don't do that now.) :)

I am a Half Marathoner! I have done it twice and chances are I will do it again. I will learn from these experiences and make changes as necessary because isn't that what life is about - having new experiences, learning and changing.